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Re: [ranchos] Who are we? was Re: double surnames

 
Rosalinda,
 
What a great group this is.  I agree with everything you say, but you should not feel guilty about anything --- not about not being fluent in Spanish (English is the language of this country), about enjoying the fruits of your labor (that is why our ancestors left Mexico), about the plight of the new immigrant (you can fight for them by voting in their favor, coming to their defense when someone bad mouths them in your presence, sending contributions to those on the front lines of sober activism), etc.  You are doing your job as you said you do, in your classroom.  As for that student that wonders why you should be teaching English when you are Mexican:  don't let him make you feel different; it is he who perceives you as different.  (Makes me wonder what he has learned at home).
 
I too had to learn English and forget my Spanish and ended up being more articulate in English than many who have never known any other language.  (As a second grader, I could read English so well that the teacher would leave the room for a break while I kept the class entertained with my reading of stories).  If we wanted to succeed in this country, we have had to try to outdo the ones that think only they have the ability and the rights to advancement due to their Anglo ancestry.  I don't go around thinking "I'm Mexican", but when reminded of it by someone who feels uncomfortable with that fact, I don't hesitate to defend myself and remind them that I cannot see myself as they see me. 
 
You say you don't totally fit into either culture.  No, we don't, but as my husband says, we are fortunate to have two souls, an American one and a Mexican one.  That is similar to what Europeans have embraced for many centuries, and that happened there because the surrounding countries are so small and close and kept changing borders.  America and Mexico are so vast that even inside their own boundaries there are competing provincial attitudes.  You ask, "who am I?".  You are Rosalinda, an open-minded person dedicated to the honorable profession of teaching.  When someone asks me who or what I am, I say "I am Emilie----". 
 
I too enjoy the sounds of Spanish or Mexican music, even though most times I don't understand a word.  You and I did not have Spanish as our first language.  My husband can learn languages easily because English was not his first language; I have to read subtitles in French, Italian, Spanish, etc and before I can finish reading, he has already caught the joke and is laughing at the scene.  For a long time, he bemoaned the fact that he learned English at the age of twelve, but it gave him other advantages.  He persevered, and he is quite articulate in that language.  We can persevere in learning Spanish.  You might have to wait till you retire to give it the time it requires, as my sister has done.  She is taking Spanish classes from a native born Spanish speaker from Peru, and has traveled to Puerto Rico and Cuba (I guess she likes the tropics).
 
At the end of your "ruminations" you conclude that you love both your cultures.  So do I, and know that we are more fortunate than most for having more than one culture.
 
Emilie
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Thursday, January 12, 2006 9:16 PM
Subject: Re: [ranchos] Who are we? was Re: double surnames

The issues of acculturation and assimiliation run deep and are painful in this land of multiethnic and multicultural groups.  What do I call myself?  Who am I?  Much of the pain of the generation that follows the immigrant one often causes much confusion, and sometimes, self-hatred and denial of ancestry.  How can I call myself a Mexican when I can speak only a rudimentary Spanish and only visited the birthplace of my grandma and great-grandma once?  When I visit Mexico, I recognize its beauty and its devastation, and when I land in the United States, I am happy to drive my sedan, go inside my condo, and turn on my tv to "Law and Order."  Both my parents are of Mexican descent, but both were born in the US.  On my mom's side, both my grandparents were born in the US as well.  When my maternal grandfather was offered the opportunity to visit deep into Mexico (not Juarez or Tijuana), he said, "My parents left Mexico for a reason.  Why would I want to return?"  His practical Texan mind did not yearn for the land of his ancestors.
 
I remember as a child growing up that my father instilled a deep pride of my Mexican ancestry.  He was a young man during the Chicano Movement, and even attended the Moratorium in 1970.  I have never had a negative attitude about the word Chicano/Chicana, but as a child of the '80s, I never saw the need to be as political as my father.  I have often told him that I will fight in marches if I need to, but my fight against prejudice and racism is fought in the classroom, where I expose my students to Mexican-American literature and topics.  For years I have often felt like a traitor, however.  I see the struggles of the new immigrants, but I do not truly understand, having been raised in middle-class suburbia.   I feel uncomfortable when speaking Spanish, for the words do not come easily to me in front of an audience as they do when I am alone.  I see people as individuals. and have often overlooked the ethnic/racial backgrounds of people.  I have had friends of all ethnicities, as well people whom I have disliked from my own culture.  And then a student will ask me "what does a Mexican know about teaching English?" and I remember that I am different.  Yet none of this answers the question of "who am I?"  To paraphrase Edward James Olmos in the movie "Selena,"  "we have to be more Mexican than the Mexicans and more American than the Americans."  So how can I say I am American, when I hear a beautiful Mexican song and my heart sings along and I love to indulge in a big bowl of menudo with extra tripe?   
 
I'm sorry for rambling, but I do not fit totally in either culture.  I came to genealogy as a path for a better understanding of who my family is and was, and where they came from and for health reasons-- and I've discovered that I am the Spanish, I am the indigenous; I am the slave, I am the slave-owner.  I am the conqueror and the conquered.  To hate the Spanish is to hate a part of myself.  To deny my indigenous background is to deny myself.  To reject the American is to reject myself.  I am all of these, and yet none of these, entirely.  We all must come to our own level of acceptance or rejection of who we are and from where we come.  I think much of my feelings are well-stated in this famous poem by Rodolfo "Corky" Gonzales, "I am Joaquin":    http://members.cox.net/mechademoh/I_Am_Joaquin.html .  Look especially at the last stanza, and my favorite lines are at the beginning, "I am Joaquin/ Lost in a world of confusion..."
 
I taught a Chicano/Chicana lit course, and as I told my students, Chicanos/Chicanas, Mexican-Americans, Latinos, Hispanics, Americans of Mexican descent, Spanish, Americans, none of these labels tell us and everyone around us who we are.  Each emphasizes a small part of the total sum of our culture and customs.  Each of these terms are fraught with all of the love and hate we feel about others and about ourselves.  So in the end, there is no answer.  We can search for the "truth", but I have found that to be  elusive.
 
So, as I end my ruminations, let me just say that I have learned to accept all who created me, and all who influence me.  I love the Mexican culture, and I appreciate the country I was born in and where I live.  
 
Well, thanks for reading this far.  I hope we all can shed some light on this most important subject.   
 
Rosalinda Ruiz
Southern California


-----Original Message-----
From: Arturo Ramos
Sent: Jan 12, 2006 11:55 AM
To: ranchos@yahoogroups.com
Subject: [ranchos] Re: double surnames

Erlinda:

The whole Chicano vs. Mexican-American vs. Latin@ vs. Hispanic debate
is a very contentious one in the United States.  I think that all of
those terms are very politically laden such that there is no single
one that everyone would agree with.  There is an interesting episode
where the renowned author Sandra Cisneros balked at being featured in
Hispanic magazine because of such a disagreement.  She agreed only
after the magazine agreed to show her on the cover in a profile shot
with a fake tatoo reading "LATINA" across her arm.

There is an interesting article on this:

http://www.hispanicmagazine.com/2000/dec/Features/latino.html

I suppose that if you want to designate descendancy from peoples of
Mexico, Mexican or Mexican-American would be the most precise.  I
will leave my commentary at that lest I get myself in trouble.

Interesting thing though, I have run across documents where the
indigenous peoples of the area around Colotlan and Totatiche would
refer to the indigenous colonizers from the south (Tlaxcaltecs,
Otomis and Huastecs) as "mexicanos" designating that they spoke the
Mexican language (i.e. nahuatl) and they did not consider themselves
as such, since they spoke a different (Tepehuan) language.  One of
these references appears in an interview with one of the last
tepehuan speakers in Azqueltan, Jalisco in 1912!

I think that the term Mexican to designate all of the ethinicities of
Mexico was probably not adopted until after independence.  I imagine
that those of pure Spanish descent would not consider themselved
Mexican before that, especially when the term specifically refered to
the nahuatl-speakers of central Mexico.


--- In ranchos@yahoogroups.com, "Erlinda Castanon-Long"
<longsjourney@y...> wrote:
>
> I want to thank everyone for the input on double surnames and y
versus
> de... I had forgotten that I use a double surname too!  I felt I
> didn't want to give up my Hispanic maiden name so just hyphenated
it
> with my married name.  That makes me Castanon-Long, I guess in
Latin
> America that would make me Castanon y Long ... I found at the
family
> reunion that most of my female cousins from my generation did the
> same.  Many of us did not marry Hispanic but would have kept our
> maiden name regardless. Just like someone said, it's a matter of
> family pride..
>
> One more question.. which is 'politically' correct to designate our
> nationality of origin if we or our ancestors were from Mexico...
> Hispanic, Latino, Mexican-American or American-Mexican?  I find I
> really upset some people when I call myself Hispanic. I'm told that
> excludes my Indio blood... People ask me what my nationality is
> because I'm just brown enough to not be Anglo but have light green
> eyes, my sister get's the same thing and she has blue eyes and
> freckles. I still laugh when told I don't look like a Mexican...
what
> does a Mexican look like!!!!
>
> Linda in Everett
>






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